The Lumbersexual Starter Kit for Fall

I’m yelling timber

Photo by andrew welch on Unsplash

Ah, lumbersexuals. A type of guy defined by the always-reliable Urban Dictionary as, “A sexy man who dresses in denim, leather, and flannel, and has a ruggedly sensual beard.”

But don’t worry — you can be a lumbersexual without ever actually touching any lumber by following the four simple steps below.

Step 1: Purchase Only Flannel (and Plaid)

Look at how expertly he handles his wood. (Source: IsabelleGauvin.com)

There’s just something about a man in flannel that says, “I’m rugged and I’m stylish, but I also like to snuggle.”

Yep, it’s safe to assume that flannel-wearing lumbersexuals enjoy camping (not on the ground, yuck), can start a fire with nothing more than a hard piece of wood and their inexplicably soft hands, and not only majored in being the Big Spoon, but went on to get their Masters and PhD.

Step 2: Grow a Glorious Beard

Source: Kirsty Smith Photography

Whether it’s just a lil’ scruff or a full-on balls-to-the-wall beard, a man with facial hair screams, “Yeah, gurl, I might manscape, but don’t get it twisted. I’m still macho AF.”

(E.g., He’ll go antiquing with you, but then insist on carrying your new shabby-chic living room table up to your second-floor apartment with one hand.)

Step 3: Carry an Axe Around Town

Much like a hipster’s glasses, the lumbersexual’s axe is just for show. (Source: BroBible.com)

Is it concerning to see a man carrying around an axe… or is it sexy? Hey, maybe it’s a debate for another day, but let’s not go down that road right now.

As long as the axe isn’t used for serial-killer-related activities, I say, bring it to brunch. Take it on a date. Use it to chop the watermelon you bought at the farmers market downtown. It’s not frightening — it’s functional.

“Oh, that guy over there? He’s soooo Paul Bunyan it’s not even funny.”

Step 4: Add in Some Lumbersexual Accoutrements

(Photo cred: Blog Lovin’)

What was the most devastating thing to happen to lumbersexuals in recent history? The man bun went out of style.

What on earth will lumbersexuals do with that flowing mane of hair now?

I’m not sure honestly — but keep taking your daily hair, skin, and nail vitamin until we figure this out, and be sure to add in skinny jeans and boots too.

You’re also going to need a woodsy cologne that smells like a sexy blend of pine needles, a dusty vintage jacket, and a freshly kindled fire.

Go Forth and Lumber

OK — I’ve given you all the elements. Now all you have to do is put them together and —voilà! — you can be a lumbersexual for fall — and winter too if you want!

And just in case you think I’m being sexist, I’m all for lumbersexual ladies to get in on the action too. (Facial hair optional.)